Completely Broken......

Its been a loooonnnggg time since i have posted a new blog.....A lot of things going on in life....... new job, new business, 2 year old and LIFE! Life can take turns and twists and go to the left and to the right and go backwards and well try to completely turn your world upside down! this is so in my life but i have come to realize that my life was upside down before i met Jesus and He turned my life Right side up! This year i have come to Know Jesus in a whole different way..... some could say 'through new eyes....' i do agree with this for the mere fact that i have lived through this. You see through new eyes because Jesus gave us a new way to look at things........ going through a storm??? Ask God to show you how to look through His eyes...... The storm did not change the way you look at the storm changes. You magnify God in the storm and the storm looks like it doesn't even exist. Why? Because your eyes are fixed on the One who can make everything better! Yes the storms come and go but its your choice whether to stay in the storm or go THROUGH the storm. God said He would never leave us nor forsake us.....so what makes us think that the storm is bigger than God?? the devil.......he paints a good picture of that.

I have recently gone through and is still going through a storm in my life. I would like to share it with you..........maybe someone out there is going through something simular and this may help you as it helped me......... the storm that i am going THROUGH has taken a toll on me mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I honestly can say that this is the hardest thing that i have done in my walk with God. As many people who know me know that i do not move until God tells me to move. God has to shout it in my face or slap me around or just that still small voice that just captures me and take me breath away.......... i have had to learn to lay it at the cross......stay there and mourn a little bit because part of me has died...... and get up turn around and leave it at the Cross. But something happens when I'm at the cross........all my emotions are just going crazy and i don't know what I'm feeling.........I'm just there trying to figure all of this out........ But its not for me to figure out and put the right pieces where they go........ it happens because at the cross I am BROKEN. God knew that this storm was coming .......God knew what i was going to choose......... God Knew that this was the perfect time to make me exactly what He wants me to be. God knew that i was going to be broken..........He knew that i was going to come to Him to be put back together...........Then and only then I had let God in to put me back together how He wanted me to be......... You see when i was at the cross i saw Jesus on that cross....... all my feelings were His that day He hung there on that tree.........When i was heartbroken and wondered why i was going through all of this........wondering why all my emotions were going crazy....Jesus showed me His feelings that day He Died For ALL Of Us........ He Literally had a BROKEN Heart.........He wondered why He was even doing what He was doing BROKEN.....for people who were going to use Him......... for people that didn't care what they did to Him.........FOR PEOPLE .............He did it so that WE could live with Him in HEAVEN! He was BROKEN COMPLETELY for us! And He wants us to be COMPLETELY BROKEN so that He can Put us back together the way He wants us!

I want to let you in my Little Piece of Revelation that has helped me go THROUGH this storm..............

..............' God just heal me from the inside out. Make me yours 100%! I honestly don't know how to feel? I want to say that i feel broken? like I'm in a million different pieces.....and i know that You can put all those pieces back together to make a BRAND NEW ME! Is that what its all about???? I had to be Broken? Broken so that You can put me back together the way You want me?? Not the way I want to be?? Show me Your way GOD! Show me what You want me to do! Put me together the way You want me! Let me hear You and See You through New Eyes! Through Your Eyes! Show me what You want me to see! Show me how to Forgive . Forgive the right way! Your Way! i want the Best for ma and for Anaiah. I know that you have the Best Daddy and Husband for us!!But now i know that You cant give everything that you want to give to me because i had to be Broken first. Broken from everything that i was and all I was carrying. And that was the only way i could have been COMPLETELY BROKEN. Now you are putting me back together the way YOU WANT ME! More in You! More in tune with You! More dependent on You and totally on You! Get more into You! Hide inside You!

Thank You Crystal and Johnathan for talking to me and praying for me....Thank you Jennifer for being the Vessel that brought me to this revelation in my life.........You guys are True GOD Friends.........and I thank GOD for You everyday!

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life!!!!!

I'm sorry that i haven't been able to blog in a while......the last month of school was crazy!!! and then the holidays and trying to start working....wow! its been something else....none the less an awesome experience! well lets see if i can catch up on whats been going on......the last month of school was crazy hectic and very stressful! In cosmetology you have to clock hours just like you would at a job......clock in and clock out.......well in order to finish and take your state board written and practical test you have to have 1500 hours......well i finished three weeks before school had ended took both test while i was in school still and i was a professional before i even got out of school! i was so excited and shocked at the same time! For the first time since I've had Anaiah i have actually finished something! I was so proud of myself! well then here come the holidays and food and presents for the kids....... i started working as soon as i could and have been loving every minute of it! It feels so good to actually make money and love what you are doing t the same time........I love that i can chose my schedule and be there when Anaiah needs me. well i have actually walked the stage yet for graduating because they hold the big graduation in may. i wasn't going to until i thought of Anaiah.... and how it would be to have her see me walk the stage and show her pictures when i did graduate and i did it for her. to show her that i did it and she can do it too!! so with all that said i have to look at myself in about five different mirrors everyday and noticed that while being in school i had gain a lot of weight! so i decided to go on a healthy kind of diet...... eating 5 to 6 times a day, little meals, like turkey breast, cucumbers, chicken breast, fish, greens, drinking lots of water...................So hopefully i will lose the weight, look great for graduation and be a better healthier mom for Anaiah!!! So follow me in this awesome life changing event and hopefully i have encouraged you to lead a better healthier life and lets live a awesome life together!!!!!