Looking on the inside.....getting closer to HIM

I have been wondering why there isn't any single christian guys in our church as you may know from my last posting.....well it dawned on me......what if its me?? What if im not right where I need to be?? So I started looking on the inside....what part of me wasnt in line with the WORD.....I found alot of things that I could work on as far as I go.......like working on not being so introverted.......I starting telling myself that i used to not be that way....and what had changed in my life that I had turned to not conversating with anyone. Now for those of you that know me know that I used to be this very outgoing person and would love to have a conversation with the wall......if they listened I would talk .......that can be a good thing and a bad thing.......I used to be the person that wouldnt mind going out to dinner and keeping up with my friends.....man how things change in a hurry and its been years that i havent been myself now that I think of it...... so now im this person that barely talks to anyone at church.... I dont hang out with any of my friends that have encouraged me..... im all about staying home...now dont get me wrong im not saying that going out all the time is good......I have responsibilities .....I have this kinda sense that im just in a routine...... thats it! a routine! I did have a bad relationship that lasted 3 years....while I was in that relationship I thought that was it...this is the one for me......I fell head over heals for this guy......yet I should have know that it wasnt going to work .....he didnt go to church.....everything else was good but I realize now that if church wasnt his priority then I would have never work.......needless to say he sucked the life right out of me....... I was knocked down but not knocked out........I left him......moved back to my parents.......suffered some humility......and got up off the ground and started moving forward...... I thought to myself "Im a strong woman...I can do this...." well now I realized that I got up dusted myself off and started walking the right way I think........and somewhere in walking I stopped.....stopped moving....stopped looking......stopped wanting ........just stopped

I noticed a difference in me around my birthday of this year ........it was like a tug on the inside .....my eyes were opened......opened too things that I didnt realize that i was doing ..... things that I was saying...... I felt at that time that I needed to let go of people that were not encouraging me in the Lord...now dont get me wrong the people that I let go were very dear to my heart and it was very hard for me to do it......I still love them ..... very uncomfortable thing to do...but I needed to get closer to HIM...... I wanted HIM...... Now here I am wondering why I cant find any single christian guys anywhere......to me I feel its just another level.... another step to getting closer to HIM.......So HE tells me......" Miranda how about looking on the inside..." ...... WOW! like my eyes are open again.....open again to something else i need to work on...... HE says "Where are you?", " Who are you?", " What do you stand for?"............man this gave me alot to think about........Where am I?, Who am I?, What do I stand for?........... WHERE AM I? I am not where i need to be....not in HIS presence.....WHO AM I? I am a single mom who wants a companion.......WHAT DO I STAND FOR? I stand on the ROCK and thats about it....... Now I started looking at this and I thought to myself no wonder no one has come into my life....... I dont even want me!.........so I told myself Im getting right!!! Im going to get closer to HIM if I have to stay up all night and just be quiet to hear HIM........If I have to stay on my knees until I know that I have heard HIM........FIGHT to be a worshipper......to see HIS face not just HIS presence. WHERE AM I? Im on my way to see the ALMIGHTY!...WHO AM I? I am a child of the LIVING GOD....the head and not the tail.....above only and not beneath.... WHAT DO I STAND FOR? THE UNCOMPROMISING WORD OF GOD!............. I know that it will be a tough road.....and it will be uncomfortable....out of my comfort zone......Thats how I know that Im on the right road because my flesh doesnt like it....... Im on the road to recovery.......on the road to getting my life back...... on the road to finding myself in HIM